Republican Music Police
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
well lookee here: will you all stop bitching now?
21. The Beastie Boys – Paul’s Boutique (1989)
Normally I’m not a huge fan of intros, and even on this, the 21st best album I own, I don’t much care for the introduction. I mean, it’s good in its own way, with lounge funk bassline framing MCA’s dedication of this album to all the various races of girls. But after a while, do we really need to hear “to the Southern Belles, to the Puerto Rican girls,” and so on and so on. Luckily it’s not all that long and without much delay we get the drum roll that kicks off “Shake Your Rump.” Really, this is a new sound of the Beastie Boys. Superlatives abound on this list, but I think it’s safe to say this is the most expounded upon album that you can’t name a single song off of without prompting. What the Dust Brothers did on this album is incredible, yes, and yes, this album could never be made again (just ask Danger Mouse) due to the excessive sampling fees that would come from sampling the When I’m 64, Mr. Big Stuff, Moby Dick and tons of other songs that only come to the forefront after a long long time listening.
This is relevant, yes. It’s relevant that the Beastie Boys changed their direction completely. It’s relevant that this marked a new era in which hip-hop would be taken seriously critically, when white artists COULD find respect in the art form, etc. But I’ve never been a big fan of “context” or “artistic importance”. What matters most to me about this album is how goddamned fun it is. It never slows down, from Shake Your Rump, to Eggman (a song about a fucking EGG FIGHT for chrissake) to Sounds of Science, which was like no rap song I’d ever heard, to Hey Ladies (a disco rap song???) to B-Boy Bouillabase which closes the album with a 12:33 medley about everything and anything and absolutely nothing at all. Who cares that they weren’t the best lyricists or even rappers…you don’t have to be all that talented to make a great hip-hop record – especially when the dust brothers are producing.
22. The Damned – Damned, Damned, Damned (1977)
The Damned did it first and did it best. Never mind the Sex Pistols, and I mean that sincerely. I mean, how can you listen to those singles: New Rose and Neat Neat Neat and not give them credit for the birth of punk? What was up with those Britons in the 70’s? But this is an album album – for instance, Fan Club and Born to Kill are about as good of underground album cuts as you’ll find. It’s a damned shame these guys don’t get the press that much worse bands with better management got.
23. The Clash – London Calling (1979)
And here’s the other side of the coin. “The only band that mattered,” may not be true, but they DESERVED the press they got. No, this album’s not perfect. It’s about 6 tracks too long, but the ones that are there – there’s a literal treasure trove of name recognition: The title track, Brand New Cadillac, Rudie Can’t Fail, Spanish Bombs, Death and Glory, Lost in the Supermarket, Guns of Brixton, Train in Vain – this isn’t a best of album. At one point you might have spent 5 quid on this LP and gotten all those songs so who cares if you had to sit through “The Right Profile” a couple odd times.
24. Television – Marquee Moon (1977)
I swear to God I didn’t plan for these three to be next to each other. If this had had more than 8 songs it would have easily passed The Clash and the Damned, if for no other reason than that Tom Verlaine spared us of having another seminal garage rock band with “The” in their name.
25. The Who – Tommy (1969)
Anyone who has seen Almost Famous should have a justified and righteous bias against this album from the get-go. It’s sort of like that stupid scene in Garden State where cavewoman tells David Schwimmer that the Shins will CHANGE HIS LIFE. Wha? Almost as bad as Cameron Crowe’s sister telling him that IF YOU LISTEN TO TOMMY WITH A CANDLE LIT YOU CAN SEE THE FUTURE. Too bad about that, because this is the best Pete did. It really is a very good album.
Never mind that paper thin storyline. That was never the point. I heard Pete just made the storyline to justify the song Pinball Wizard (written to kowtow to a British critic who reportedly loved pinball). That makes sense. But there are a shitload of great songs on this – the overture, 1921, Eyesight to the Blind, Acid Queen, Christmas, Cousin Kevin, Pinball Wizard, Go to the Mirror, Sally Simpson, and We’re Not Gonna Take It (not the Twisted Sister one)…And if you listen to it with a candle lit, all you can really see is tallow smoke but what you HEAR is a goddamned good album.
26. Built To Spill – There’s Nothing Wrong With Love (1994)
Dug Martsch can write a great pop song. When he stays away from thos sprawling guitar solos he can write a great album too. This is a great album. Besides the obvious tracks: Car, Big Dipper, In the Morning, Distopian Dream Girl, I think my favorite moment is on Twin Falls when he says of his grade-school girlfriend “Last I heard was she had twins or maybe it was three, although I didn’t see. That don’t bother me.” Absolutely heartbreaking.
27. The Beach Boys – Pet Sounds (1966)
Not nearly the masterpiece it’s claimed to be, Sloop John B., Wouldn’t it Be Nice, Caroline No, and I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times more than justify its place among the top albums ever.
28. The Violent Femmes – The Violent Femmes (1983)
Some of the catchiest, hardest rocking, smartest, most perceptive acoustic music ever to come out of the great city of Milwaukee. Fuck Steve Miller. And never mind the hits, which are awesome (blister, add it up, gone daddy gone, please do not go, and OF COURSE kiss off): listen to "gimme the car" and try not to just lose it. lol is approriate, so therefore BITE ME
29. Alkaline Trio – Goddamnit! (1998)
This is about as close to perfect as a punk-emo-pop-whatever album can get. Any way you try to tear down this type of music, Matt Skiba and Dan Andriano are much too smart. Look at the build up to the heartbreak in Clavicle where Skiba sings, “I gave you my phone number you gave me mine/ before I left I said ‘hey you can bet I’ll be bothering you soon’/ You said ‘no bother please do.’” These are real relationships, not the misogyny that punctuates most similar (and no less accomplished) songs.
And the boys can drink. In one of the best choruses of the “90’s, Skiba sings,
“So where are you/ my little needle/ the stack’s been burned away/ but I am so inebriated I/ cannot see/ three feet in front of me/ between the moon and you lunacy is setting in.”
I’ll drink to that.
30. Everclear – Sparkle and Fade (1995)
I listened to this album nearly 1000 times between 8th grade and 10th grade. I don't know what else I can really say in that respect. It's not the greatest album ever, no, but it beats the hell out of most of the crap that came out around its time. And it has a pretty good replay value. There's not a bad song in the bunch.
posted by Chris W # 3:52 PM 
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I would just like to note that I actually used that line from Clavicle on a girl frosh year. Yes, I got her number.
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